I will not delude myself in thinking that anyone reads this blog. Therefore, if you perchance happen to see this on facebook, my advice is to ignore it. That disclaimer in place, I can now relieve myself of the shackles of coherency and keeping interest. This is more an exercise in fluency and willpower.
It seems all of my posts begin with, "It has been so long, etc. I've been busy, etc." When I haven't been doing anything particularly interesting, "creating," I tend to neglect writing. It is so much more natural to speak for me. I guess that is why I've never been able to keep a journal for any extended period of time. The last time I did, it was for the express purpose of giving it to someone dear to me at the time. Fairly doubious act, to be honest. If something important happens to me, I tell friends in order to have something to talk about. After a while, the "news" fail to be fresh and interesting, and it is demoted to my memory, to be forgotten eventually. Sad.
Looking over my old posts from various "start and stop" blogs I've had makes me smile. I guess the mood I've been in is what others call "maturity" or "growing up." I remember the things that I cared about and am very amused, at the same time more or less apathetic. Is this what maturity entails? Apathy?
I'm changing. I've always wanted this change to be for the better, an evolutionary process upward. Looking back, I feel like I'm losing something of myself. I guess this is the reason for this newest burst of lyricism, a desire to preserve. At least I'll know this is what Anton, age 19, was worried about in 2008.
What does all of this mean? Well, it means I will try to write more often, eventually fill in the gaps in the last few months of my life. Also, that I have succumbed to the annoying and uninteresting tendency of writing about myself. Hopefully if I put it in writing, I'll be able to commit to writing regularly. As I have been told that I am a fairly private person, this should also provide an opportunity to get a first approximation to the inner workings of my brain, for those interested. Finally, you (... um me? ...) should see things I have found on the internet that may be of interest to others.
-Anton, Commander of Pants
12 comments:
It'd be nice for you to keep a written record :) Sadly, verbal ones tend to be forgotten. On the other hand, when one's sitting with friends and an old memory invades from no where, sharing it and bringing that back together is wonderful.
If you think you're becoming apathetic, consider why and examine it. Or maybe consider if you really are at all, maybe you're just seeing things in a new, more objective light. Assuming the worst doesn't usually help matters.
I fear your command of pants and may one day attempt mutiny. Beware, for that share be a day of reckoning.
Time to sleep before I realize how little sense I make..
Thanks for writing this.
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